I have been guilty of caring a bit too much lately. About opinions, comments, random blog posts calling me a troll… things of that nature. So I am a person, I am human; I guess that is what is revealed. I don’t know why I ever imagined I could run a blog and interact with so many people, from so many different countries, and not run into a handful or more that dislike what I do or dislike me period. I find this frustrating when I consider the fact that I don’t naturally dislike ANYONE online, why? I have never met you; you could actually be someone totally different from what you present. So why should we care about each other enough to dislike one another?
Blogging has been an outlet for me. I enjoy writing my thoughts and unloading my emotions on a keyboard. Keyboards probably have weekly meetings about me. I have never had the opportunity to meet so many people from so many different countries and places. Why waste time on CNN.com reading about war, rape, and death when I can speak to the people from those actual countries (except North Korea of course). But the trouble begins when you care too much. As a blogger publishing in public you run the risk of having a target placed on your forehead, chest, and on your ass. But that is what makes it exciting right? You can’t just post some whimsical bullshit and not get called out on it! I love that, I thrive on that.
Recently I was told I have changed. I can honestly say that person was correct in their assessment. I would say that I have evolved and I am trying to figure out still the best way to work on my blog and still live a life. It isn’t easy for anyone to stay dedicated to anything forever. I have ADHD and have been known to get very angry for no reason and just… stop things. I have stopped Starcraft tournaments in the middle of a win (laugh, but ask a Korean how important Starcraft is and see if the conversation is less than an hour long). I have deleted websites before, stopped alliances in games with thousands of members that I spent countless hours on. This is all reflective, I am writing to myself to remind myself I am different. But am I really? Aren’t I the same person I was 30 years go? Do we miss the happy naïve kid that was simply eager to please? Or do we hate him for a soft little shit he was, and are we now glad we are confident about ourselves? Do we miss the jokes and pranks of childhood? That shelter of comfort of thinking “woe is me I am abused!” Do I miss it?
Sometimes recently I felt that same feeling… when on this blog and that woke me up. I never want to feel that again, so maybe I don’t have the backbone I thought. Maybe this is simply a dead end.
Please visit www.aopinionatedman.com or click http://aopinionatedman.com/2013/05/29/the-impartial-blogger/ for the original post. Opinionated Man also hosts a poetry blog at http://onefreeatlast.wordpress.com/